Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Doin' the Business

There are many aspects of the modern world which I simply adore. Medicine, education, travel, entertainment.

On the other hand, the reverse is also true. Some aspects of modern life leave me somewhat perplexed.

For instance, I noticed today an advertisement on the back of a bus. It was for a food product. Some type of milk-based "meal in a box" drink that purported to serve as a meal replacement. The headline for the advertisement was "Can't Stop To Eat?"

Can't stop to eat? What? Who on Earth cannot stop what they're doing long enough to actually take in enough nutrients to sustain their life? What happens if they DO stop to eat? Someone else takes their place in the middle of the bus queue? They get deposed as CEO of a multinational mining conglomerate? What?

But the ad got me thinking. The inference I took from it was that if you were so damn stupid as to halt your forward progress long enough to buy a sandwich, AND THEN take 2-4 minutes to actually stop and eat it...some OTHER fucker was gonna get that client you've been wooing for months.

But why should we stop with just eating? Since we're obviating bodily processes, I'm working with my team of designers to come up with a practical solution for all the time wasted at the other end of the digestive system. The working title for the product is "Business Shorts". They're just like a diaper, only they'll have a thin outer coating of kevlar for odour containment.

Never have to leave a meeting again! Just take a dump while you're taking a call!

No more bathroom breaks! Save a valuable 24.7 minutes every day with "Business Shorts".

Order now and we'll send you this extra-large bottle of talcum powder absolutely free. We have a feeling you'll need it.


Barrie Abalard said...

ROFL! I actually know a man who would use such a product as Business Shorts. Sadly, I'll bet he's not alone.

Katie Salidas said...

Oh god Willsin, you're too funny. But the sad fact is, I bet there are people out there who would be interested in something like this.